Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
