you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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