as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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