mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
