Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
