think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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