Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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