I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
