The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
