She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
