Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
