Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i came on her dog
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The feeling are messing with the penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
