Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she peed on how many people?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
