just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
