it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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