Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need a shit load of segways right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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