i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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