i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
