entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
