chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
