Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
