Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
