I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
