I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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