you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
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how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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