Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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