no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
