i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
