i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
