If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
