My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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