At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
did i just pee glitter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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