I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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