Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she told me i tasted like america
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
