Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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