Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
