Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
