I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
