we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
