I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
