I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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