yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
