and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
home. puking in laundry basket.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
