As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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