i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
