He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
