I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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