Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she smelled like a LAN party
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
