i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
