Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
