I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
