You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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