what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
