I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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