ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
