The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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