one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
birth control should be required to get into college
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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