Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
