i just wanna soil my oats bro
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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