in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ketchup is God's man juice
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
