two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
