Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
